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Epic Rap Battle of Manliness, also known as Epic Rap Battle 2, is a rap battle featuring two guys trying to prove who is more manly. It begins with Link trimming his hedges with hedge clippers, when Rhett shows him up with an electric hedge clipper (22 ccs). Link, somewhat insulted by this challenge, pulls out a chainsaw and starts "trimming" hedge with it. Rhett asks, "Are you challenging my manliness?". Link answers, "Yes."

Lyrics[]

Rhett:
Are you challenging my manliness?

Link:
Yes

Rhett:
I was born, with hair on my chest,
A gleam in my eye to latch onto a breast.
I cut my own umbilical cord with my razor-sharp teeth,
Then I drove home and my mom rode on in the back seat.
I didn't go through puberty, puberty went through me,
And it was never even awkward 'cause I made it happen instantly.
If you addressed a letter to 'Man' and put it in the mail,
Rest assured I'd receive it but I ain't gonna be your pen pal.
My time is too valuable for that.
I'll be too busy working a jackhammer.

Link:
You're a momma's boy,
I was born in an Arctic cave,
And adopted by wolves, that's how I was raised.
I didn't drink milk, I suckled the fangs of venomous snakes.
I killed the first man that I met with just my firm handshake.
I potty trained myself, you're still bed wetting.
I smell like charcoal when I'm sweating and was the best man at my own wedding.
Search Google Images for masculinity,
Feel free to Photoshop your face on that image of me.
Creative Commons, punk.
Meanwhile, I'll be adjusting some really large nuts.

Rhett:
I rise before the Sun, screw circadian rhythm.
I bathe with sandpaper and my underwear is denim.
I shave with a box cutter, blindfolded as well,
'Cause if I look in the mirror, I intimidate myself.

Link:
I've got no need for sleep, I never shut my eyes.
I tie fishing lures while I memorize Apache war cries.
The Sun comes up when I tell it I'm ready,
Then I trim my nose hairs with a razor-sharp machete.

Rhett:
I'm manly cause I'm so handy, even my feet are hands.
I built a hobbit house for a homeless man without using any plans.
My kids' jungle gym has a full-size trapeze,
And I modified my garden hose to dispense nacho cheese.

Link:
I'm handy, too, I rerouted my bathroom exhaust fan into your bedroom.
My right incisor's,
A Phillips head screwdriver.
I made my sun deck into a holodeck where I hang out with MacGyver.

Rhett:
My GPS gets its sense of direction from me,
I can drive ten hours without stopping to take a leak.
I don't avert my eyes when I pass roadkill,
And I teach an online course in parallel parking skills.

Link:
When my car breaks down I don't call a mechanic,
I just open the hood and then I stare at it,
And then I call a mechanic. But I won't be cheated,
He's not gonna talk me into repairs that I didn't know that I needed!

Rhett:
I can sleep alone in the woods without a tent,
I might get a little scared, but then I get over it.
I tie knots that Eagle Scouts haven't even heard of,
Like the double overhead figure-eight fisherman's bird glove.

Link:
Well, I got the know-how to properly grill every part of a cow,
And when I taste a veggie patty I just spit it out.
I break your face with a plate if you want it well done,
And your wife is always asking me to toast her buns.

Lloyd: Er, fellas?

Peter: Everything alright here?

Rhett: Yeah! He was just... cleaning something off my shirt.

Link: Yup, got it.

Peter: Okey-dokey.

Lloyd: You guys have a great day!

Rhett:
I'm too much man for a manicure.

Link:
I don't even have cuticles.

Rhett:
For the sake of convenience, I keep a urinal in my cubicle.

Link:
I can barefoot ski.

Rhett:
I can smell the fear of bees.

Link:
I threw up in my mouth the one time that I watched Glee.

Rhett:
I am my own boss.

Link:
My middle name is Hoss.

Rhett:
I don't even know what it feels like to sit with my legs crossed.

Link:
I've never been shopping.

Rhett:
I don't remove pizza toppings.

Link:
I can tell the age of a mountain goat just by sniffing its droppings.

Rhett:
You sniff mountain goat droppings?

[Rhett & Link's wives come out and make statements that are embarrassing for the "manly" Rhett & Link.]

Behind the Scenes[]

Credits[]

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